Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize