Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
