mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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