dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize