i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
