You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
