I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
