You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
