Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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