He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
