I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize