The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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