I am puke
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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