Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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