Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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