we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
