You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My bed smells like the plague
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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