the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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