I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize