her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
