I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
