i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
the liver wants what the liver wants
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
