I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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