I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
