You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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