giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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