I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
