I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Send help, water and tortillas.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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