did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
