I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
