The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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