Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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