I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
