shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize