Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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