dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
