Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
