I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
