at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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