First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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