Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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