i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
