New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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