I am in a vortex of obligation.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
