He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
