A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
