Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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