Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
being pregnant is like rehab
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize