brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
