Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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