I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
