and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
