I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
