The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
