I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
