my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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