Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize