i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
