I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
