Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
