when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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