fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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