win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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