I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
