Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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