At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
