AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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