WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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