How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
