she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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