If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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