the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
