My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
