you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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