So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
