Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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