I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
