i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
