dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize