I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
