I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
