3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
bring money and cleavage
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you had me at cake vodka
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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