It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
