dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
