I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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