he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
