Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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