This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
