I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
