I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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