Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
