I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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