so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Someone signed my nipple.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
