I must be too annoying 4 u.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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