Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize