Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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