Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
