Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
