If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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