C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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