I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dicks are not precious.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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