I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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