I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
