We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
