tell your sister to shave her snatch
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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