I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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