Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize